"Suffering from existential dread? Muscle fatigue? This vintage Chic Electric Massage Pillow is the answer! (Probably not, but it does vibrate.) May also cause spontaneous combustion of leisure suits and a sudden craving for fondue. Side effects may include: a vague sense of unease, the inexplicable ability to speak in 70s slang, and an overwhelming desire to purchase a lava lamp. Batteries not included (because who knows what would happen)."